Friday, August 24, 2012

Confession: I am a frustrated parent who just yelled at her kids.

This parenting stuff is HARD.  Can we be honest about that, and not put guilt on that statement, like the cherry on a Sunday?!?  Children are wonderful gifts, that we as parents chose to bring into the world, yes, that is correct, and we are blessed, especially so if they are healthy, able, naturally conceived etc. Yes, that is true, but no matter who the child and how they came about it is HARD, and at times it sucks and is so frustrating you just want to scream.  Then inevitably you do scream, most likely at the object or child of your frustration, and you feel like the biggest a- hole in the world.

Can we really be honest about that?  Can we really without playing the one up game, as to who has it tougher.  I am a full time working parent, that is very grateful that I will not have to also be part time stay at home mom anymore, as both of my kids will be in full day school in a week. I try and work, and stay home, and then go to work later, and that is hard, but my full time stay at home friends get just as frustrated with their kids.  My full time working friends do too.  We al,l no matter what our parenting situation want to walk away at times, throw in the towel, and give up. Somehow though as parents, we aren't supposed to talk about that too loudly or to too many people.

Why can't we? Teachers can complain about their students, grandparents, aunts, uncles, daycare providers can complain, but because we choose to bring these kids into the world, we aren't supposed to.  We are supposed to treasure every moment, be exceedingly grateful, put our lives on the back burner and suck it up.  Well, when my kids fight all day for the 5th day in a row, when I have been working very hard to help them have an amazing summer, I can't suck it up, because it just SUCKS! I want an hour to myself without yelling, butt wiping, food preparing, crap cleaning etc; that isn't at the crack of dawn, at midnight, or in the car. I want to then not feel guilty about that hour and have regret for all the things I should have done for my kids.

Realize that a lot of nights after our kids are in bed, my husband and I, in the collective 20 minutes to an hour we have together before one of us goes to bed, will marvel at our amazing children.  We will revel in their personalities, their silly stories, their amazing smiles. We do love and adore them, and we absolutely wanted them, and will want them forever.  That does not change the fact, that we also often yell at those precious little faces in sheer frustration, as they for the thousandth time do that thing we asked them nicely nine hundred and ninety nine times before not to do.

Then there is the problem of how much you might be screwing them up because you are frustrated.  It seems as if their entire future rides on how you handled your frustration when they peed their pants for the hundredth time or got out of bed for the millionth. You might scar them for life, they may tell horror stories about you to their friends for decades to come. Ohhh so many things to worry about...

But instead of picking up another parenting book, I am just going to be honest.  I am going to say with no guilt attached, that I am a parent that is frustrated, and I yelled at my kids today.  I am not going to follow that statement with a declaration of my love for them, or how grateful I am.  Hopefully, you will extend grace to me, as I do so, and realize that I am not an ungrateful, first world problem focused drama queen, I am just a parent having a bad day, so here goes:

Today was a parenting fail, today sucked and today I am not happy with my kids. 

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