Hitchhiker Adventures #1: that crazy click clack point of the roller coaster

It is beyond weird to think that next Thursday I could be pregnant. I am going to walk into a medical office and let them put a baby in me. I can't even tell you how exciting/anxiety producing/freaky that is. I wanted to give you the details though, and I have struggled about how much to post with the surrogacy stuff. Not because I am embarrassed by it, or don't want to share the details, but because I don't want people to think I am showing off in anyway or trying to draw attention to myself. This isn't about me, it's about doing the right thing. In my case that looks like following Jesus call to love others, and put my selfishness to the side. It isn't heroic, it's just doing what you are called to do to help someone out. It's putting back into the world the love that has been shown to me. I want to post not so you will look at me and go, man she is awesome ( I will list for you the 1000s of ways I am not if you say that) but I post because 1) If you were doing this, I would want to know all about it, this stuff fascinates me, and I know it fascinates some of you too! 2) Awareness leads to greater acceptance-fertility issues are hard, and a struggle that a lot of people feel they have to suffer through in silence, and there are many ways to go about solving those issues, the more we talk about them, the less stigma involved, 3) we have friends all over the place that might care and I want to keep them involved, 4) Maybe there is something you are good at, capable of doing for others that you might not have thought of before to do and our journey might just inspire you too.

So basically for those interested, I will update, I call the baby the Hitchhiker (affectionately) because he is going on a ride with us and we are just picking him up for a while to get him to his next point (or her). I won't include details about the family, but I will give you details about the process.

Right now the process is at that scary point of the roller coaster where you are slowly moving up the hill and it's clicking and clacking and counting down to your crazy decent and the start of the fast, whip your head around, maybe make you sick part of the ride. We are just days away from the FET- frozen, embryo, transfer. That is when they take the little ball of frozen human (understand that this too is affectionate and I am in no way demeaning his little cryogenically preserved life), and they thaw him out, and use a catheter to put his little microscopic self into my uterus. This week the two of us have quite the preparations to undergo. He has to thaw, get examined, washed, and chosen to be strong and worthy for transfer. I have already been chosen, but I have to kick my body into high gear with handfuls of meds, and shots. I go in next week not pregnant, after deciding we were done with having our kids, Valentine had a vasectomy we were that done, and I walk out hopefully pregnant with a baby that isn't and will never be ours, but part of our extended family of friends.

Tonight I take the meds to the next level. Now instead of one little insulin needle everyday, and a bigger needle twice a week, I have one big needle a day, and two additional big needles twice a week. The shot process becomes a little more involved, requiring more care, effort, and bigger risk of mood swings. I also go back on the antibiotics that wreaked havoc on my digestive system earlier in the process, and start a steroid to help avoid inflammation that would cause the Hitchhiker or myself to reject the other. So far, the meds have not been that bad with the exception of the antibiotic. The biggest symptom has been sleepiness. I am not the night owl I once was. I have a feeling in the next week it will get a little more intense.

I have learned so far that I am the lucky one. I was able to have two healthy kids without enduring any of this. When I go in for blood draws and exams, I sit in a waiting room full of couples that are desperate of the outcome I have had twice, with a way more fun method. I take the injection and swallow the pills knowing my body is already capable of doing what it needs to do. I don't have the pressure to perform. I am just enduring the side effects, not the roller coaster of emotions that those couples have to live through. So honestly, it has not been that bad for me, being on this side of it. It's more weird than bad.

The pressure is really on the embryo. The Hitchhiker has to be healthy, hatch and hitch on. Next week I will be on bedrest for two days after transfer to try and allow him to do just that, although there is no real scientific evidence that what I do, effects his ability to implant.

So for the next week especially, and a few weeks after, I would appreciate prayer, good thoughts etc. for the Hitchhiker, myself and our families. We won't know for a few weeks if it worked, and we will still have to make it through the first trimester to make sure he is healthy. I will continue on shots and other forms of hormone doses for the rest of the month, so pray especially for Valentine as he is confronted by a wife on waves of high dose hormones. There is still risk of miscarriage if he does hitch on. There can still be loss for our families. It's not a done deal yet.

the first time I was pregnant

I am sure there is a roller coaster of emotions ahead of us all  I will keep you posted on the ride.